


Swing Life Away

by doctorjimin



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:54:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1512941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorjimin/pseuds/doctorjimin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Ray moves to Texas, he gets the shock of his lifetime, in the form of Joel Heyman. Going to boarding school, sitting on the front porch, wishing the summer nights would never end. That's what Ray really wanted. And that's exactly what he got.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, okay, this is my first AO3 based fanfic. I've done some stuff posted to tumblr and used to work on Wattpad, but here I am! I'd love for you to follow me at gogohn.tumblr.com, if you'd like!

There was a breeze brushing its way past Ray, making goosebumps on his arms, telling him summer was on it's way out. The sun was setting, but he was anything but tired. He could only think of the lips that made their way to his just moments before, how they smelled just a little bit like peppermint and tasted like something indescribable. Those lips had told him words that he couldn't forget, not even if he wanted to.

_I had fun, Ray. I'll see you soon._

But now, the man those lips were attached to was a ghost to him. He disappeared, blowing away with that very same breeze. He could still smell Joel in the air. It wasn't hard to pick up someone's scent after they had gone, especially when that scent brought back memories of everything that's ever mattered to you.

But of course, that wasn't the end between Joel and Ray. Oh, it was only the beginning. Joel said he would see Ray soon, and he kept to his word. But, before you know what happened after the last day of summer, you've got to learn about all the days before.

\----------------------------

Ray was dreading nothing more than moving. You live somewhere for 15 years, you think that you're probably going to stay there, right? Wrong. All he wanted was to go back to his New York apartment, curl up in bed, and figure out what the hell he was going to do with his life after high school. But his mom insisted. She said they would have a better life there. She said that everything would be fine, only if Ray decided he wanted it to be.

Ray wished his mom would stop talking like a fucking fortune cookie. Not that he would ever tell her that, but he really meant it.

They left just after the last day of eighth grade for Ray. He went to a shitty, New York public school where the kids called him Brown Man and assumed that because he was Puerto Rican, he would steal their stuff every time he got the chance.

It sounded like some sort of sick joke when his mom told him that he was going to boarding school.

"Boarding school? Mom, we can't afford groceries. How the hell would I go to boarding school?"

Ray had said. He got in trouble for cursing. She explained to him how his father had a friend with a son a few years older than him, how that man was going to pay for Ray to go to school.  
It made him sick, imagining someone else paying for him. That was against the Narvaez family code! You didn't ask for donations, you worked until you could fend for yourself. That's what his dad always said, anyway.

She told him all about Mr. Heyman. About his son going into his senior year, how he was so passionate about singing and performing. He wanted to be an actor, she said. He had promise... If only her son had such promise.

\--------------------------

It was a great day when he met the Heymans, not because the man paying for his schooling was nice, because he was actually a total asshat. No, it was because of the captivating face of none other than Joel Heyman, the man's only son. It was the kind of face you would want to stare at until your eyes dried up.

Honestly, the Heymans were rich. Like, house with more rooms than in every crappy apartment Ray had lived in combined. they had a "projector room", which, to Ray, meant " _They had a fucking movie theater in their house_."

He knew, because Joel gave him a tour. The whole house smelled far cleaner than Ray was used to, lemon scented sprays and soaps nearly giving him a headache. But he noticed that one room they walked past had a whole different feel to it. It screamed of warm blankets and strumming a guitar until sunrise, not bothering to sleep. Ray felt himself blush a little when Joel pointed out that room as his bedroom.

At the end of the tour, once Ray had seen the pool and the kitchen that looked as if it had never been used, they returned to where their parents were sitting in the "sunroom". Ray didn't know houses had rooms for the sun, he thought it was weird.

Ray's mother pulled him aside just for a moment, telling him she needed to tell him something important.

"Now, listen, you have all your things packed, right?" Ray nodded. "You're leaving for Oakley tomorrow morning. I'm going to be living here, so don't you worry about me. Mr. Heyman said that he requested you and Joel to be roommates, so he'll be there to show you around. Good luck, Ray. I love you."

Rare words spoken from Ray's mother's mouth. _I love you._ They stung in his ears, reminded him of the last time he heard those words coming from his mom. It was a funeral that he had hoped to never attend. It screamed in his mind that there was only one Ray Narvaez left now, being him, and that he was even more alone than he was before.

"Thanks, mom." He managed to say as she turned to walk away. The words fought their way up into his throat. _I love you._ But Ray just couldn't, so he nodded, and she brought him back into the sunroom.

There were plenty of rooms for Ray to choose from. Six guest rooms in total, Joel had told him. So he picked the one as close to Joel's room as possible, right down the hall. Ray had been right about the warm blankets and strumming guitars, because Joel brought him a stack of quilts before saying goodnight, and he could hear Joel playing a song he didn't quite recognize through the walls. It pleaded with him, it said Come, listen to me. I'll play you to sleep.

But it was three A.M., and Ray thought that maybe if he got any closer to the source, the music would stop. By the time the sun rose, Ray knew the words to the chorus, about swinging on front porches and and holding hands, and it made him feel like maybe Texas wouldn't be quite as bad as he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray's first day at Oakley is approaching quickly, but all he can think about is the voice coming from the room next door in the middle of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2, yay! Another week's worth of anger converted into pure Joelay. You should be proud of me. Like I said before, if you don't follow me on tumblr (ttarawa-baby), you should.

The music only stopped when an alarm sounded in the room next to him. That meant it was time for Joel to wake up. If he ever slept at night, that is. He preferred to sleep during class, Ray would soon find out, and that was why he nearly failed US History last year.

 

A small knock hit Ray’s door, asking for permission to enter. He pretended that he didn't hear it, quickly curling into his blankets and putting on his best sleep face. He wasn’t quite sure how to act like he was sleeping, so he just improvised. _Don’t snore, you’ll seem gross. Don’t yawn. People don’t yawn in their sleep, that’s weird. Just sit still, he’ll come wake me up any second._

 

Joel stood in the doorway of Ray’s room, just watching the other boy sleep. He had fallen asleep with his black framed glasses on, so they sat lopsided on his nose. His hair was slightly ruffled, and he still had sleepy bags under his eyes, like he hadn't slept well. _Maybe it’s just first day nerves_ , Joel thought. _Everyone gets them, right?_

 

Joel moves over to the sleeping boy, nudging him lightly. Ray is, of course, completely awake. But he has to at least pretend to wake up. He groans a little too loudly, stretching and nearly hitting Joel in the face.

 

“Hey, man, we gotta wake up. We’re leaving for Oakley at noon.” Joel says, dodging the arm thrown up into the air by Ray. “I wonder if Dad got us food.”

 

Ray sits up, fixing his glasses immediately. He realizes he’s wearing the same clothes from yesterday. He looked down at the same ratty old t-shirt his dad had given him from who knows how long ago, and he didn’t really want to change. Of course, he had to, but he really didn’t want to.

 

Ray nodded groggily, sitting up. Joel shuffled out of the room, giving Ray the privacy to put on new clothes. He dug through the few bags he had brought, looking for something decent enough to wear to boarding school. _I guess it won’t really matter once I have to wear one of those stupid blazers everyday._ He threw on a t-shirt with a picture of Mario on it, that just screamed nerdy. Which is exactly how Ray liked it. He was nerdy anyway.

 

He headed downstairs, trying to remember his way down the hallways. He finally found Joel in the kitchen, looking a little confused.

 

“Your mom went with my dad to go to some dumb convention thing that I couldn’t care less about. Looks like we’re stuck together until we get to Oakley. Actually, you’ll be stuck with me there, too. I hope you like me.” Joel said, and Ray nodded just a bit too enthusiastically.

 

He really did like Joel. He liked everything about Joel. He liked the way sometimes Joel’s sentences ended like he was asking a question, even though he wasn’t. He liked the little laugh that came out of Joel’s mouth when ever he said something he intended to be a joke, even if it wasn’t very funny. He-- _Jesus, Ray, stop being so creepy. You’ve known the guy for a day._

“So, we have waffles, or eggs. Do you know how to make eggs?” Joel said, pulling a styrofoam carton out of the fridge. Ray shook his head, he really didn’t know how to make anything. He survived on PB&Js and Ramen for so long, he couldn’t remember what real food was even like. Joel shrugged, pulling a box of frozen waffles out of the freezer and setting on the table.

 

By the time they found the toaster, fixed the waffles, and covered them in so much syrup they didn’t seem burnt, it was 10 o’clock. Ray asked Joel to take a shower, and Joel led him to a bathroom that was bigger than his bedroom back in New York.

 

_Jesus Christ_ , Ray thought, _Do they just pay crazy amounts of money for this stuff just because they can?_

 

He turned the shower on as hot as he could, soaking in the fact that he was actually allowed to do that now. The water was so hot it almost hurt, sending a thick layer of steam throughout the room. He tried not to take very long, out of habit, but he was relishing every moment that he could in the scalding water.

 

He got out of the shower to find that there were no towels anywhere in sight. He was faced with a dilemma, run naked down the halls until he finds his room or yell for Joel to get him a towel.He didn’t want to risk running into Joel, completely exposed, so he figured it was better to embarrass himself than to try and sneak around the huge house.

 

He stuck his head out of the room, feeling the draft from the cool air outside the steamy bathroom. He hoped Joel could hear him, wherever he was in the house. He couldn’t really see around him, not wearing his glasses like usual, so everything was a bit of a blur.

 

“Joel!” Ray yells into the vast hallways, hoping that sound travels to where he is. “Hey, bro, I kinda forgot a towel. Could you grab me one?”

 

He could barely hear Joel’s voice coming from down the hallway. “Yeah, hold on one second. I gotta run upstairs to grab one.”

 

He appeared moments later, outside the doorway with a towel such a bright white that it made a bit of a tan seem to show on Joel’s pale skin. Ray took it with a smile, water dripping off his nose onto the hardwood floor. He closed the door, waiting to hear the footprints of Joel leaving, but they didn’t come, leaving silence and a door in between them.

 

“Oh, and Ray,” Joel says, leaning into the door. “Once you get dressed, we need to head off pretty soon. It’s a four hour drive to Oakley, I’d rather not do it in the dark. I think it’s gonna rain, too. Oh, well, it’ll be friendly bonding time, right? I’ll get to know the great Ray Narvaez.”

 

“Junior.” Ray says, shaking out his hair. “Ray Narvaez Jr.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Alex (just-a-youtube-fangirl) and Kaela (brokencurses), once again, for being the two best friends I could ask for and helping me proofread everything. If you don't follow them on tumblr, you should. Really. Fabulous blogs, even more fabulous people running them. Check 'em out, for me? You should probably get used to weekly promos of them, because this story wouldn't exist without them! Thank for reading, lovelies~
> 
> -Jenna


	3. Chapter 3

After hours of driving, Ray had begun to believe that he was physically attached to Joel’s passenger seat. But when they arrived at fancy looking campus in the middle of Nowhere, Texas, Ray hardly wanted to get out. Joel had talked on and on for hours, giving him an introduction to the life of Joel Heyman and everyone that he really cares about.

Ray had learned about Joel’s mother, or lack of. _Yeah, she died when I was about 8_ , Joel had said between bites of a disgusting hamburger that they picked up along the way. _It’s been just Dad and I for a while, so I really spend my summers at Oakley._

__

Classes didn’t start up for another two months, but the boarding at Oakley was open all year. Joel had preferred to be in a cramped dorm than in the empty estate his dad said was home. He told Ray that Oakley was his real home, and that his real family was there. He would introduce him to his two best friends when they got there, Joel had promised him. There was talk of a British boy that Joel didn’t know how he even met, and a grumpy Junior that Joel promised was so much greater than he seems.

Joel told Ray about his hopes, his dreams. Joel’s mind worked in music and he knew nothing else. He told Ray that he plays guitar, but quickly backpedalled and told him to act like he didn’t hear it.

_I just want to be known, you know?_ Joel told him. _Singing, acting, my face lighting up huge Los Angeles signs. To get out of this country hellhole and into somewhere that I can make a name for myself. Where the words Joel Heyman will always turn heads._

__

As the two of them stepped out of the car, Joel was rammed into the car door by a skinny body. Ray started to move over to his friend, but then Joel’s voice rang out with a laugh.

“Gav! Calm down, it’s only been a week!” Joel said, prying the other boy off of him. He stood slightly taller than Joel, so Ray assumed that he was a Senior as well. He laughed a laugh that you could pick out easily in a crowd.

“But, Joel, we’ve missed our best friend! Who are we supposed to wake up with buckets of water to the face while you’re gone?” The boy now known as Gav said, his accent sticking out in a place where even the air had a Texan twang to it. “Oh, looks like we’ve got fresh meat?” Gavin said, moving over to where Ray stood awkwardly.

“Tell me, have you fallen for Joel yet? The immense charm, the natural ability to talk for hours, the gorgeous face? Oh, has he sung for you yet? That’s what always gets them. That’s what happened with Adam and-”

Gavin is cut off by a fist thrown immediately to his gut, but the hand doesn’t belong to Joel. Ray looks up to see a boy with thick auburn curls sticking out from underneath a beanie. He looked annoyed, but it wasn’t directed towards anyone. It just seemed like that was his natural face. Ray made the connection that this was the Michael that Joel had told him about, the one that was much nicer than he appeared at first.

“We don’t talk about that, Gavin. Jesus Christ, you should know that by now. I think I’m just going to cover your mouth in duct tape,” Michael says, turning to Ray. “I’m Michael Jones. Sorry about that, he just doesn’t know when to shut his fucking mouth sometimes.”

Joel shifts awkwardly on his feet, not knowing what to say. _Okay,_ Ray thinks, _who the hell is this Adam dude and why is Joel acting like a five year old who just pissed himself after Gavin said his name?_

“Well, Mr. Narvaez, I do believe it’s time I show you the Casa de la Joel, hmm? Or, I guess, the Casa de las Joel and Ray.” Joel says, pointing to a large building Ray can only assume are dorms.

The room is small, but not too small. It was the size of the apartment they lived in back in New York, with two of seemingly everything. For every mattress, dresser, lamp, or dust bunny, there was an identical one on the opposite side of the room. Joel had claimed the left half of the room, obviously making it his own. Ray’s side was painfully bare, it screamed of someone who left but was obviously still all around. Ray had a feeling that this used to be Adam’s room, but he didn’t want to say anything about it.

“Well, this is home. Feel free to do whatever you want with the room, because you’re stuck with it for the next four years. I, on the other hand, will be leaving to Los Angeles in T- 362 days.” Joel says, absolutely sure in his words.

“You’ve been counting down the days again, huh?” Gavin says, poking his head through the doorway. “Oh, by the way, Mr. Freshman whose name I don’t know, Michael and I live next door. So don’t snog too loudly over here, okay?”

A shoe goes flying through the air, hitting Gavin square in the face. Joel cracks up as Ray stands in shock, clapping for himself.

“Jesus Christ, that was a great shot. I haven’t had that much luck in months.” Joel says, dragging a  hand through his unruly brown hair. “And,hey, first night back. What do you say we head down to the Pit, have a bit of fun?”

“The- the Pit? What the hell is a Pit?” Ray says, looking at Gavin and Joel exchanging excited looks.

The two boys spoke silently though looks, and Ray tried desperately to decode it. Is it a firepit? A ball pit? Some sort of crazy sex dungeon? He was starting to think maybe he didn’t want to know what the Pit was, because it sounded anything but pleasant.

“Oh, trust me,” Gavin says, smiling devilishly, “You’ll love it.”

**  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, shout out to the two best friends I could ask for, Kaela and Alex. My stories would be so completely awful without them, and so would my life.
> 
> Oh, my girl Kaela is now officially on AO3 with her first story~ Her username is kilobyte, and she's kinda awesome. So, if you like Team Crafted, definitely go check out her thing. She's got some awesome OCs, one of which I may or may not already be obsessed with. 
> 
> But, anyway, thanks for reading, lovelies~
> 
> -Jenna


	4. Chapter 4

“Come on, it’s right down here!” Joel says, pulling an unwilling Ray by the wrist into a small patch of woods just off campus. Gavin is trailing behind them, blabbering about something to Michael so fast that Ray can barely understand him.

 

Joel ducks under a branch, leading the three boys into an open patch on the ground. Four rocks sit in a circle, one conveniently there for each of them. Ray knew that someone else used to take up the rock left for him, but he sat on it anyway.

 

Gavin walks slightly behind the clearing, disappearing into the brush for a moment before returning with two large, unlabeled bottles in hand. Something in Ray’s stomach told him that he probably shouldn’t be here, and he couldn’t help but listen to it.

A flash of his father lit up in his mind. A man, looking a lot like an older version of Ray, standing there with the same kind of bottle in his hand. It wasn’t an uncommon sight, to see his dad like that. But everytime he did, it still shook him to his core with fear.

 

“Is that-- Do you guys drink?” Ray says, trying not to sound like a scared child. Then again, he was a scared child, but there’s no way he would let them think that.

 

Gavin nods, holding out one of the bottles for Ray to take, but he just shakes his head. He couldn’t. He would never. Just because he shared a name with that man didn’t mean he had to end up like him.

 

Joel, on the other hand, was already chugging something the Ray couldn’t recognize. He didn’t even second guess it, downing a good fourth of the bottle before taking it off of his lips. He looks at Ray questioningly, and Ray knew that meant he had to fess up.

 

“My dad, he was kind of a drunk asshole,” Ray said. “I may be a junior, but that doesn’t mean I have to act like one, right?” He laughed awkwardly with the last word, trying to turn his sad life into a joke. He always seemed to do that, because he would rather have people laugh at him than pity him.

 

The circle filled with a silence that Ray was used to, one that screamed pity. If Ray was genuinely afraid of anything, it was being pitied. He thought about grabbing a bottle to release some of the tension, but he couldn’t bring his hands to move. They sat at his sides, shaking slightly, but you couldn’t tell if you didn’t touch them.

 

Gavin promptly fell off of his wooden pedestal, making Michael spit out whatever was in his mouth on to the ground in a fit of laughter. Joel claps jokingly, making Ray crack a smile.

 

“Nice job, dumbass. Maybe you should learn how to sit like a normal person,” Michael says as Gavin pulls himself back up slowly. Ray notices that Joel hasn’t said much, and he looks over to see the older boy with his head in his hands.

“Joel, man, you okay?” Ray says, turning his knees towards where Joel sits on his left. A single sob escapes from Joel’s mouth, and Michael looks over, slightly annoyed.

 

“Jesus, again? See, Gavin, this is what happens when you bring Adam up!” Michael says, the mention of Adam’s name forcing another choking sob out of Joel. “Shit, come on, he’s hammered. We need to get him back up to the dorms. Ray, help me out?”

 

Ray stands up, followed by Michael, who teeters back and forth slightly. See, Michael was one of those drunks that seemed sober until it was too late. Ray moves over, taking Joel’s arm in his own and tugging him up into a semi-standing position, caring all of his body wait.

 

It was a long walk back to the dorms. Lots of stumbling, a bit of whining from Gavin, and right outside the door  to Ray and Joel’s room, a blackout. Ray had to drag Joel into the room, hoping it didn’t look as if he was hiding a body.

 

He hauled the boy onto the bed across from his, barely prying the older boy’s unconscious arms off of him.

 

Joel’s eyes fluttered open as Ray sat down on the bed across from him. For some reason, Ray thought that Joel looked like someone he knew. He couldn’t think of who it was, but he seemed familiar. In a good way.

 

Joel only made eye contact with Ray for a moment before losing his ability to hold back once again, letting sobs ring out into the empty walls. He covered his face with one hand, pulling Ray towards him further and embracing him.  Ray shifted awkwardly in the older boy’s arms, but he didn’t really have the heart to move away, so he sat down on Joel’s bed next to him.

 

After a few minutes of silence that seemed to drag on for hours to Ray, he glanced down at Joel, hoping he was asleep. Instead, he met two dark eyes that were fixed intently on his face. He looked at Joel questioningly, and was answered with a heavy sigh.

 

“Raaaay, I can’t sleep.” Joel whined slightly, and Ray wondered how much of that bottle Joel had drank down at the Pit. “Will you tell me a story?”

 

All the sudden, Ray felt like a dad, like it was his civil duty as a person to help his new roomate fall asleep. So even though he felt utterly ridiculous, he sighed and thought up a story.

 

“Well, let’s see, once upon a time, there was a boy. His name was Joel.”

 

“No.. I want a story about you, Ray..” Joel said, looking up at him with the best puppy dog eyes a drunk 17 year old could muster. Ray sighed, nodding his head slightly as he thought of a story that would put someone to sleep.

 

“Okay, fine. Once, when I was 9, my parents and I had to move into a new apartment. Why we got kicked out of the last one is a long story, but I’ll tell you that one later.” Ray said, already boring himself. This was bound to put Joel to sleep, if it was nearly making him doze off.

 

“This new apartment, it looked really nice when we went to check it out at first. You know, sturdy walls, two bedrooms, it was practically a New York mansion. And the day we moved in, my dad was pretty satisfied. Hell, it came with a free couch. Who wouldn’t be satisfied?”

  
  


“So Dad goes and sits on this brand new, ultra nice couch, right? And he shifts around a little, but for some reason it doesn’t seem right. So he lifts the cushion up, and BAM, there’s a dead squirrel under it.”

 

Ray glances down, expecting Joel to be asleep, but instead, the boy laughs a little. Not that dead squirrels weren’t funny, he just didn’t actually expect Joel to be listening. He smiled at Joel, and when Joel smiled back, it only lasted for a moment.

 

Joel’s face turned a shade of green that reminded Ray of the Wicked Witch of the West, and Ray swears Joel threw up half of his body weight right then and there, onto the floor.

 

“Michael!” Ray called, unable to cross the room due to the puddle of alcohol and waffles in the middle of his dorm. “We’ve got a bit of a situation in here.” And when he heard MIchael groan, he knew he was going to be in for a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my favorite little readers. I'm back once again with a new chapter!
> 
> As always, thanks to my two best friends Alex and Kaela for being absolutely amazing and for helping me actually FINISH the chapter. You two give me life.
> 
> Also, my dear Alex did something wonderful. http://8tracks.com/amazingcass/swing-life-away Here is an 8tracks playlist that she compiled specifically for this fanfic. I listen to it every time I write. She's actually a saint.
> 
> And as always, thanks for reading, lovelies~
> 
> -Jenna


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning Joel awoke with a groan that you would expect out of a bear on the first day of spring. Even though Ray had been awake with his head against the wall behind him, Joel’s sudden wake startled him enough to jolt him from his current position.

 

“Well, good morning, Sleeping Beauty.” Ray said, reaching over to the table at the end of his bed and handing Joel a glass of water placed there. “Are you gonna throw up again, or can we hold a conversation this time?”

 

“ _Again?_ ” Joel said, trying to sit up but falling with a thump back into the bed. “Oh my god, I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.”

 

Ray snorted. He got up to leave the room, disappearing to who knows where. Joel lets out another loud groan, and then his mind wanders to last night, which he couldn’t really remember.

 

 _Oh no_ , Joel thought, putting his head in his hands. _I didn’t do anything with him. Please tell me I didn’t do anything with him. This can’t happen again_.

 

Ray comes back through the door with a bowl of cereal and a piece of toast stuck in his mouth. He attempts to smile at the other boy without depositing the toast on the floor, and manages to just barely convey something that may or may not show a sign of happiness.

 

And that makes Joel even more worried about the details of last night. He looks at the boy with a question in his eyes, and ray wasn’t quite sure what Joel was trying to ask him. He takes a bite of the toast, placing it and the cereal on the table by his bed. He comes and sits on Joel’s bed, and Joel scoots away from him.

 

“What’s wrong?” Ray says, noticing Joel’s strange attitude. “Oh geez, you’re not gonna throw up again, are you? Wait, let me get the trash can.”

 

“No, no, don’t worry. I’m not gonna throw up,” Joel says, holding his hand up to calm Ray down. “Ray, last night, did we….?”

 

Ray’s eyes grow wide like a deer in headlights at the accusation. He tries to stutter out a response, but can’t seem to form any complete sentences. Did Joel really think that something had gone on between them last night? He shakes his head slightly, hoping that Joel would just drop the topic.

 

The older boy sighed with relief. The last thing he needed right now was a roommate that he fucked on his first night. _Again_. Joel was a senior now, and he was desperately hoping that he wasn’t falling for Ray. Then again, he was, but he was trying his hardest to pretend like he wasn’t.

 

\-------

It was later that night, and Michael had pulled Ray out in the hallway. After all, he had spent the whole day pent up in that room with Joel, who honestly smelled like puke, and he was probably bored out of his mind.

“Ahh, Narvaez, let’s take a walk, shall we? I think we need to talk about something,” Michael said, not giving Ray much of a choice as he practically pushed him down the hall and out the door.

 

It’s about 10 PM, and it’s so dark that Ray can barely see. Michael is walking along side him, the two completely silent. His hand was grabbed by Michael, leading him to a bench under a street lamp, and it sent shivers up his arms, despite it being well into the nineties outside.

 

“Listen, I know exactly what’s going on, and you need to stop,” Michael says, pushing him down on the bench. “I can tell you’ve got a bit of a thing for a certain someone, but this is an all-boys school, and you will get tormented. Trust me, I know from experience.”

 

Michael sits down next to him, trying to figure out if Michael means what Ray has been thinking for the past day or so. He nods, listening to what Michael has to say, because it’s obviously important.

 

“It’s not like the feelings aren’t obviously mutual, but Ray, you’ve got to be careful. We live in a time where it’s not necessarily okay to like someone who’s the same gender as you,” Michael says, and Ray’s stomach drops. “Okay?”

 

 _It’s not like the feelings aren’t obviously mutual._ The words play over and over in his mind. Everything else Michael said goes out the window as he hears those words play again and again, reminding him that he’s not alone.

 

And he’s not really sure why, but he leans forward, grabs the curls at the back of Michael’s neck, and bring their lips together. It was all he wanted ever since they had first met. He leaned into Michael, who wasn’t kissing him back, and he wasn’t quite sure why. He had just admitted to having feelings for him. And just then, a familiar British voice comes ringing into their ears.

 

“Hey, Michael, where are you? MICHAEL! MIIIII--” Gavin stops dead in his tracks, seeing Ray and Michael there, together. “Michael?”

 

Michael pushes Ray off of him so hard he nearly falls off the bench, but Gavin is already turning away. He starts to walk in the other direction, then running, and Ray can hear a single sob come from the boy before Michael starts to run after him.

 

“Gav! No, listen, it’s not what it looks like! I mean, it is, but it wasn’t me. It was him. Come on, Gav, please!” Michael yells, swearing under his breath. Gavin is clearly faster than him, but he’s not giving up any time soon.

 

So Ray, sitting alone on a bench in the middle of a pitch black campus, realizes he might have been wrong. And he didn’t know why, but he felt like he needed to cry. He wasn’t sad, or angry, he just needed to cry.

  
Maybe it was because he was sorry. Maybe it was because everything was just hitting him too fast. Maybe it was for Michael. Maybe it was for Gavin. But it never crossed Ray’s mind that he might have been crying for Joel.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wOOOO NEW CHAPTER. 
> 
> It's been a bit of an... emotional week so far. But, no need to fear! As long as I'm here, the story will go on.
> 
> And thus, I leave you with a few words from Alex,one of my two editors, after she read the chapter. "OHGOSHHELPMEICANTIACTUALLYCANT." So, yeah, sorry about that, my love.
> 
> See you all next Wednesday! Thanks for reading, lovelies~
> 
> -Jenna


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, little bit of slur usage in this chapter. Stay safe, lovelies!

When Ray got back to his dorm floor, he could hear the slamming of a door, and Michael was standing in his room, steam coming out of his ears.

 

"You." He says, going to move forward, but Ray holds his hands up like a shield in front of his face. "How could you be so fucking STUPID? Have you really not figured it out yet? Gavin is never going to speak to me again. And it's your fault."

 

Just then, Joel walks into the room, tossing his wet hair with a bleach-stained towel. He looks back and forth between his roommate and his best friend, not really sure what to say.

 

"What the hell is going on? I can hear you two from the showers!" Joel says, only half-serious.

 

"This dumbass decided it was a good idea to kiss me and then Gav found him shoving himself on me and took it the wrong way. Jesus Christ, he's going to break up with me. I know it. And it's all your fault, Narvaez."

 

Joel took a moment to think about what he just heard, and one he figured it out, his eyes grew wide.

 

"Woah, wait, you kissed him? Are you an idiot?" He says, laughing a bit, even in the most serious of moments.

 

Ray ignores Joel, instead turning at the red faced Michael who looked like he was about to kill Ray.

 

"You-- you're dating Gavin?" Ray says, sitting down on Joel's bed. "No. There's no way. Didn't you just tell me that you liked me and--?"

 

"NO. Goddamn it, how are you in highschool? I was talking about someone else!" Michael says, trying his best to remind Ray what he really meant without telling Joel the truth about what he was telling Ray.

 

“Who? You don’t mean--” Ray says, and something snapped in his head. Words run through his head, making him dizzy. _Ray, last night, did we….?_ Joel didn’t like him. Not when everything was so confusing like this.

 

“No. You know what? I’m done talking about this.” Ray says, grabbing a jacket off his bed and backing up towards the door. “I’m going out. I’ll see you guys later.”

 

Before either of the boys in the room could protest, Ray was out the room, walking down the hall. He could hear Gavin crying from outside the room, but he didn’t even think about going in. He couldn’t. He had to go.

 

Ray walked off campus, even though there were rules against it, and decided to walk for a while along the road. When he reached a near-by gas station, he decided he would stop at the payphone and see if there was any way he could fix this mess.

 

He knew Mr. Heyman’s cell phone number just in case anything ever happened, and Ray had never been more glad that Joel’s dad was one of the lucky ones with cellphones. He pulled a few dimes out of his pocket and pushed them into the machine slot, dialing numbers he never wanted to use.

 

 _Brrrr… Brrrr…_ The phone rang for what seemed like an eternity before Mr. Heyman’s voice filled Ray’s ear.

 

“Pierce Heyman.” He answered, and Ray realized there was no way Mr. Heyman was expecting a call from Ray. He sat in the silence until the man spoke again. “Hello?”

 

“Yeah, umm, hi, Mr. Heyman. This is Ray. Ray Narvaez Jr. Is my mom with you?” He says, tripping over his words. Ray had always hated phone calls for this very reason. He never knew just what to say.

 

“Oh, Ray! Hold on just a minute, Maria’s in the other room.” Mr. Heyman said kindly, but Ray’s heart dropped. He never heard his mom’s name. No one ever called her that. Not even his father. He had never even spoken it, as if it might hurt him. Maria.

 

“Ray, sweetie, what’s wrong?” His mom said, and her voice unhinged something in him. He breathed in, ready to explain all he had done, but all that came out was a sob, followed by tears.

 

And he sat like that for a while. Just crying. Ray was never one to cry when his father was around. He had told Ray, _Crying is for girls. You’re a man, aren’t you?_ But now he was crying. And maybe it was making up for all the tears he held in for all those years.

 

He wondered what it would be like if his dad found out he had kissed a boy. His father always used words that hurt Ray, and he wasn’t sure why for the longest time. But now that he realized he liked boys, the words stung so much more. _Faggot. Homo_. They stung.

 

“Mom, I’m sorry,” Ray said, composing himself enough to be understood. “I’m sorry for everything.”

 

And then he hung up the phone. He didn’t want ther to ask why. He didn’t want to hear her voice again. It would just make this harder.

 

Walking along the highway, Ray felt at peace. Alone, only with a car occasionally whizzing past. He thought maybe that he was meant to be a squirrel or something, just so he could walk along the highway whenever he wanted, not having to worry about liking boys or dead fathers. Just nuts. Squirrels liked nuts. Ray had a nut allergy, though, so he figured he was wrong.

 

Ray wondered if maybe he wasn’t meant to be anything. He would be lying if he said the thought hadn’t crossed his mind before. Maybe he was just a big mistake in the grand scheme of things.

 

Next thing he knew, he was standing on the top of an underpass. The view was beautiful, really, he could see the city lights off in the distance. There wasn’t a car in sight, and he was oddly at peace. He closed his eyes, feeling the slight breeze around him in the dark. He thought about jumping. Of course, he wouldn’t. His mother would be ruined. She was all he really cared about anyway.

 

A clomping of footsteps broke the silence around him, and he was afraid he would turn around to see Michael, ready to beat the shit out of him. But as he turned, he was nearly knocked back by the sheer force of lips pressed upon his own, and he didn’t even have to open his eyes to know who it was. And he kissed back, even though he knew kissing two people in one day made him seem a bit like an asshole. But those lips sent memories rushing through his mind, and as he kissed them back, a song started to play in his head.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is going up so late, I kind of derped out and didn't finish it on Monday like I planned.
> 
> Thanks for reading, you lovely lovely beings~
> 
> -Jenna

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't worked out a post schedule yet, so I'd say if you're willing to stick around for the story, Chapter 2 will be up April 30th, which is next Wednesday. Shoutout to Kaela and Alex, of course, for being my lovely test subjects/ proofreaders/ tow of the best friends I could ask for. Thanks for reading, lovelies~
> 
> -Jenna


End file.
